First Thing in the Morning 4.0

The finale. The whimper.

Michael O'Shaughnessy's
First thing in the morning 4.0

4.10.02 “Magic time!” Jack Lemmon used to say. That’s what today is: Time to conjure all the news and ads and throw them at the alchemists in Production. Then patiently we wait for a new brew of sooth tomorrow. According to Mickey Mouse (and whatever that cheery rat says is gospel to me), Wednesday is “Anything Can Happen Day.” Anything? Like getting the paper out on time? I kid, I kid… Into the day…

4.11.02 A more distressing sight I’ve rarely seen: five co-workers trying to squeeze a broken copy machine through a narrow door. It was kind of like the Three Stooges directed by Brian DePalma. Suspenseful. Not really funny at all. Hannibal had an easier time crossing the Alps with his elephants (few of them survived the excursion; and as mentioned already, the copier was dead). Eventually, after the gasping sound of snapping plastic and caroming nuts and bolts, the old groaning duplicator was banished, sent rolling down the back hallway like a crucified missionary sent plummeting down a waterfall. Amen. Newspapers arrived this morning, as usual. A delightful read. Into the day…

4.12.02 Friday. King Friday. King Vitamin. Vitamin C. C-Moon. Moon River. River’s Edge. Edge of Night. Friday Night. I’m getting head of myself. It’s only Friday morning. Friday morning’s great when you have the day off. No such luck. What’s up for today? ONAC Ad Contest submissions due today. Luckily, we’ve been working on it for a solid hour…That’s it – I’m going home. Into the day…

4.15.02 Got over my cold. Like Nietzche says, “That which does not kill me is not trying hard enough.” Who will be out sick this week? It’s like working in the House of Usher (I think – is the house supposed to be alive in that story? That’s one of those pieces of trivia of which I’m only familiar with the halo of the truth). Anyways… Had a grand weekend. Bought an Ornette Coleman album, “The Complete Science Fiction Sessions” or, as I like to call it “The Tuesday Morning Retail Ad Meeting.” Will today be like a storm bringing a rainbow, or a cat dropping a mysterious wet corpse on our doormat? Just wipe your shoes before you come in. Into the day…

4.16.02 I cannot in recent memory recall such a forgettable day. I can’t even begin to describe the day; my mind is blank. The best I can do is relate what usually occurs on a Tuesday and assume the same occurred today. This maybe happened: a brawl in the lunchroom between Circulation and Classifieds, concluding with the toppling of the soda machine (sorry – “pop” machine); a brawl in the Morgue between Circulation and Classifieds, concluding with cracking of the helium canister (I wasn’t there, but a high-pitched description was recounted to me); and a brawl in the lunchroom again between Circulation and Classifieds (this time they took out the candy machine). The newspaper business is a vicious trade. Into the day…