Sunday, April 15, 2007

They Warned Us. We're Doomed.

These last few years (2005-2007) have been rough on Common Sense and Brave Insight.

All dead:
Hunter S. Thompson (February 20, 2005)
Robert Anton Wilson (January 11, 2007)
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (April 12, 2007)

Ye gods! Save yourselves! Read Psaur! Read Feeb! Read Qner! Read MooT!

(If you're one of the above, then read me!)

The Greatest Song Ever Written?

Quite possibly. Listen to "I Am Sorry For Everything" by The Feebs. Anyone reading this already knows the song, but put your Don Ho memorial on hold for a moment and listen again.

Friday, April 13, 2007

In Dreams Begin Actualities

Thanks to Boobay for this article:

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-lideli0412,0,2571014.story?coll=ny-linews-headlines

Didn't I read this in feeb's dream journal?

But even better than the article are some of the comments left by readers, like this one from "Plainview Gman": "...that parking lot is one pain in the butt and NOT just from elderly drivers."

or this one from "Artie": "...whenever I get out of NYC, I always make this a stop! So people go in and support this business. Oh yea you can even get Devil Dogs on the side and wash it down with Hi-C!

Ah, home sweet home!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Like Chilton for Breakfast

Every morning should begin with "Loose Shoes and Tight Pussy." You know, that Alex Chilton album, released in the States as "Set" but everywhere else with the former title. Necessary especially for work mornings, which I'm living through right now. Chilton eases the early hours of toiling ennui. Buy it...if you's a viper!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Clark Lives!

'Christmas Story' Director Dies in Crash
By JEREMIAH MARQUEZ, Associated Press Writer
LOS ANGELES - Film director Robert Clark, best known for the beloved holiday classic "A Christmas Story," was killed with his son Wednesday in a car wreck, the filmmaker's assistant and police said.

Clark, 67, and son Ariel Hanrath-Clark, 22, were killed in the accident in Pacific Palisades, said Lyne Leavy, Clark's personal assistant.

The two men were in an Infiniti that collided head-on with a GMC Yukon around 2:30 a.m. PST, said Lt. Paul Vernon, a police spokesman. The driver of the other car was under the influence of alcohol and was driving without a license, Vernon said.

The driver, Hector Velazquez-Nava, 24, of Los Angeles, remained hospitalized and will be booked for investigation of gross vehicular manslaughter after being treated, Vernon said. A female passenger in his car also was taken to the hospital with minor injuries and released, police said.

In Clark's most famous film, all 9-year-old Ralphie Parker wants for Christmas is an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle.

His mother, teacher and Santa Claus all warn: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

A school bully named Scut Farkus, a leg lamp, a freezing flagpole mishap and some four-letter defiance helped the movie become a seasonal fixture with "It's A Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street."

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Notes on the Lesser Necessities of Survival

(My latest published article for the local! Hello, $50!)

Notes on the Lesser Necessities of Survival

1.0: Surviving; Overcoming Indifference Towards

Survival. (Cue “The Best of Morrissey.”)

So you’ve survived – now what? Back to the grind, eh?

“You know, I made it off the sinking Titanic!”

That’s great, Grandma. Get back in the kitchen, and check the roast.

The above exchange with my grandmother did not, of course, occur – she was on the Andrea Doria.

But it does illustrate the snide remarks often batted about by a few ranks of our cold, bloodless, fellow citizens who “just don’t wanna hear about it.” And why don’t they? Fear, I suppose, of the challenges thrust on the human spirit. Or maybe the present survivor, although a veteran of a most inspirational occurrence, has an annoying voice. I don’t know. I’m not a ‘trick cyclist’, as the cockney say!


2.0: Surviving; Exploitation of

Trouble remaining alive or in existence? Suffering from persistent sturm und drang? Well, now you can rest easy. In fact, you can rest anywhere, any time!

Survivarin® knocks you right on your basket and keeps you there for a full 24-hours. One dose a day is all you need!

Let’s face it – life’s hard. Or maybe you can’t face it. Well, now you don’t have to.

Survivarin®, not a “sleeping pill” but a “hibernation mimicker.”

Sleep through the “storm and stress” of life… with Survivarin®


3.0: Surviving; Obstacles in the Course of

Beyond dire situations unfit for mockery (war, tyranny, disease, and other personal tragedies), we the people experience numberless calamities we barely survive, psychically and spiritually speaking. Like what? Glad you asked.

These experiences require the parameters of short-term survival. As in, “If I can get through this moron’s story for the next two minutes, I going to get myself a patch that reads ‘I survived 120 seconds of half-witted drivel,’ and it would have, like, an eagle with earmuffs flying away from earth.”

Other patch-worthy encounters are with the following:

Actors in commercials who pretend to be your friends.
All country music recorded after 1973.
People who start sentences with the word “basically.” Basically, anyone who pads their statements with empty terms.
Tapered jeans.
Waiting for your windshield to defrost.
How you still can’t listen to AM in a tunnel.
Those pop-ups that float across your computer screen.
Commercials at the beginning of films Now in Theaters

Oh, and all observational humor.


4.0: Surviving; The Callback

Whew!

I feel weak just writing about it. I don’t know how I’ll survive…

Wait, I know!

SURVIVARIN!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz………….

Monday, February 12, 2007

I Want Tonta the Indian!

Lenny Bruce's "Thank You Masked Man" bit, animated. Another favorite from USA's "Night Flight" programme of the 80s.

"Get your goddamned hands off me, you barbarians!"

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Ultimato!

JacMac and Rad Boy - Go!

Wesley "Wes" Archer's (of future "Simpsons" fame) classic college animation film. I know it from USA's "Night Flight" of the mid-80s. It's up there with "Thank You Masked Man", based on Lenny Bruce's bit, as greatest cartoon ever!